They say you can’t predict your death. But it will happen.
Most of us hope for a peaceful death…the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
Every honest gambler knows…the game’s ending may not be known, the way it will play out is out of our control. But you can understand the game. You can make decisions that give you the best possible outcome for the cards you’ve been dealt.
More and more people are creating Advance Care Directives for their end of life care. Usually this is done once our mortality dawns on us, perhaps as we approach retirement age, or after we have watched our parents die without one. This is a powerful and legal document that contains a series of informed decisions made for various scenarios. In the event you can not speak for yourself, your document becomes your voice. Your loved ones can use it to guide the events that will, or won’t take place. It is Your Death. Your Way. Respected. Dignified. This is best for you, and best for your loved ones. And best for the care providers. Without an Advanced Care Directive, you get a default death. This basically means your life will be sustained at all costs. Maybe you want that. Maybe you don’t. Without the Advanced Care Directive, the process can be stressful and traumatic.
“I have seen birth and death, But had thought they were different”
T.S. Eliot Journey of the Magi
The parallels between birthing and dying are obvious, once seen. More similar than different, and in this modern age, both are overly medicalised. It is for this reason, that it makes sense to have an Advanced Care Directive for birth.
Some people write a birth plan. For many this is a detailed and informed process. For others it is a tick-the-boxes, select the icon approach for the ‘preferred’ pathway. Very little thought is given to the full picture. For this reason, the birth plan has a difficult place within birth preparation. Some care providers refuse to acknowledge them. Some women refuse to write them. For birth is not predictable, and to plan for it is to set yourself up for disappointment. This defeatist attitude means the individual experiencing this most important life event, is no longer the centre of proceedings. The birth will happen TO them, not because of them. Just as a dying without an Advanced Care Directive means you get the ‘default death’, without due diligence, you get a default birth. This usually means, an overly medical experience happening to you.
Taking time to write an Advance Care Directive for Birth – a BIRTH MAP – means making informed decisions in advance for various scenarios. You may very well choose the default. But you may not. Your Birth Map documents your decisions. It provides your support person and your care providers with clear directions, in various scenarios.
It is also a process of communicating with your support people, and your care providers, what you need to feel safe and respected.
This might be smells, sights, sounds, touch, even the tastes around you. This is so personal, and so variable, that it can not be assumed what will help or hinder you. These elements are just as important as the decisions you make regarding medical care.
The ‘consumer’ is expected to ‘consent’, and care providers are required to ‘inform’. The two together, constitute ‘informed consent’. This process focuses on Informed Decisions made in advance, not on the spot. It means consumers can actually consent, or not, confidently and without coercion. It means care providers can be confident that they have met the informed requirements.
The greatest gift a care provider can give a client is The Power to Decide. Knowing the Questions you need to ask to create an Advanced Care Directive for birth, knowing how to access reliable resources to further knowledge and come to an Informed Decision with supportive and personalised care, can make a positive difference for all involved.
The Birth Map does just that.
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