The ‘vogon day’ happens to us all, maybe you have had a vogon week, your throat is sore, your voice is lost – you want the earth to open up and take you – you may as well be invisible..
You would not stand for someone else speaking to your kids or behaving so in front of them…but there you are…watching your day trainwreck in front of you…
why?
why?
why?
what can you do?
There are books and websites on positive parenting, sure, but in the moment you only want to throw them or rip them…
After the event, there is support groups and helplines to get you back on track (see below).
Nothing can prepare you for your first meltdown, it sneaks up and you snap…is it the defiant child? high needs? the unrelenting ground hog days? hormones? lack of sleep? too much coffee? not enough exercise?
Lonely, isolated, overwhelmed, under-helped, the struggle of a vogon-week takes you into the pit of despair, you cry yourself to sleep with remorse and hope you have enough good to overcome this bad.
You are not the only one.
There is no answer, at least no one answer, but there is hope.
These daze do pass, and there is help if you need it….so ask, seek what you need.
How can you break the cycle?
Review your situation: what is triggering you?
- lonely
- lack of support/overwhelmed
- bored/frustrated
- addiction (sugar, caffeine, facebook/internet/gaming included)
- health issues (lacking exercise, poor diet, health concerns – mental and physiological)
- stress (personal circumstances)
- a problem with the child/ren (illness, behaviour, difficult phase)
- relationship issues
There may be other triggers, seeking counselling can help to find them and work though them.
Sometimes a change of scenery can break tensions – getting outside for a walk, a play at the park, a visit to a friend. Sometimes a decent feed is needed. We sometimes forget our own needs when we are in the ‘service’ of children.
Sometimes reinforcements may be needed. This may be in the form of a mother’s helper, who visits with the intention of helping as you need. Be it watching the kids while you clean, tidy, shower, work, cook, sleep or rock in a corner. It may be someone who comes to clean, cook, wash, tidy while you enjoy your children or work. Money can be an issue, so having a ‘shared care’ arrangement with a friend can be a solution.
Sometimes professional help is required, if you suspect there is a medical condition underlying your situation, seek help. A visit to your community nurse or GP should provide options specific to your needs.
Sources of support
For Mental Health:
beyond blue depression and anxiety info and support
pandsi ante and post natal depression support
lifeline (website and helpline)
SANE (website and helpline)
Relationships Australia (website and helpline)
For breastfeeding and parenting:
Evidence-based info and unconditional support via the helpline, website, forum, mother’s groups, education classes: The Australian Breastfeeding Association
The Australian government service ‘pregnancy, birth and baby’ website and helpline.
The Raising Kids Network may help too.
playgroups, community nurses, GPs, mother’s groups, pram walking groups