What follows has grown from a dream, or a short visual sequence as I awoke, that stuck with me.
The vision: a woman swims in a luxury, private pool. She dives deep, enjoying the silence and time with her thoughts, the weightlessness, the agility. A man thinks she is drowning, he jumps in, tries to force his breath into her, but instead of rising to the surface, holds her down. She struggles. Her bliss gone. Robbed of her joy and freedom, unable to surface.
Waking thoughts: he assumed he was needed? He misinterpreted her freedom as danger? He wanted to be a hero, so viewed all around him as ‘damsels in distress’. He did not see her, or what she was doing, only saw that he was the protector, the saviour. He did not stop to observe. He did not think beyond his own need to be the hero. Who did he represent? What did the swimmer represent?
Birthing, and dying, can be like this. Over medicalising, inhibiting natural processes, preventing time to think and explore. We look to medicine as the protector, and then the saviour, but is it sometimes an unconscious abuser?
Relationships too. Perhaps a parent towards their children…the helicopter, bubble wrapping, anxious parent. In trying to protect, they inhibit and end up putting their child at greater risk. A husband, feels ownership, responsibility for, his wife. His princess, his queen. ..he is her king, her knight. He assumes the right to make decisions for her, essentially putting her into the role of a perpetual over protected child.
And Creativity and Identity…interupted, hindered or stiffled by intentions of others.
This is what grew:
Weightless, in my own world.
Unhindered.
My thoughts drift from the simple to the complex.
I stay under as long as I can
Holding the feeling of freedom
In this moment I am everything
And nothing
I am without duty
Without care
I know I will have to leave the water soon
Return to my responsibility
To my interactions
But for now it is bliss.
Pure
Simple
Soul inspiring.
This moment I can carry with me
It strengthens me.
I dive deep one last time,
Relishing my freedom
Before I could surface I was torpedoed.
The little breath I had left was forcibly replaced
Not with oxygen
I was held, prevented from my ascent
My head was spinning
Who is this person?
What are they doing?
Am I being attacked?