Self Care they cry, is what you need – social media will show you how
And if what Dave* says is true, self care means I should be pampered now!
I should watch a funny movie with snacks all night long, for laughter is good
Then he promptly says I need more sleep – so which is it that I Should?
Than he says to treat myself to a shiny gem and ‘hit the jewellery store’
And adorning myself with healing crystals is what self care is for!
And Dave should know, as he writes for women, all about self care
For he is a ‘money man’ with a wife and kids and obvious time to spare.
He also says that caring for others is ‘certainly commendable’
A statement that I think is quite un-defendable
He implies that caring is a choice, and not always altruistic
And that self care is nothing more than pampering logistic
But I say: Only men get gold stars when caring for others
For, it is essential work, for those of us that are Mothers.
To reduce self care to pampering and retail therapising
Is condescending and equates to self- minimising
To care for ones self means to acknowledge the depths of your soul
To demand to be seen and heard, to be treated as a whole
To know yourself and your rhythms as they change with month and season
To tackle each day with honour, love and reason
To go deeper than the superficial and the breadcrumbs of gratitude
To rise in your full power with an Awesome Attitude!
*This post was also ‘inspired’ by a ‘self care’ post that made me cringe. I’d like to think it meant well, but the cynic in me felt it was condescending and quite frankly mansplaining. The article was focused on self care as pampering and retail therapy type behaviours, it was actually unhelpful and ignorant of reality. I am surprise how many women are cheering the post on.
It is time for a reset. To change the perspective. To rethink this modern life. And to define Self Care. ‘Self Care’ is such a buzz word right now. Social media edit out the housework and make self care look like a better storage unit and milk bath. It has been corrupted and confused, disempowered and appropriated by people who seem afraid to look deep into themselves. We are being sold the idea that a piece of chocolate, a new shiny thing and a bath are self care. Self Care = Pampering (if you believe the hype).
But self care, is about self acknowledgement. It is about identity and expression, being heard and respected. Self care is about being confident enough to demand it. To value yourself, because you are awesome, and to stop apologising for taking up space.
Self care is about honouring yourself; nourishing yourself with healthy food, sunshine and movement. Taking time to rest and follow your rhythms.
As a woman, you have monthly rhythms you can tune into, seasonal rhythms and daily rhythms. Working with these will energise you and strengthen your instinct. The housework still needs to be done, and is the work of all capable beings in the household. The Mental Load, that Mothers often carry, managing the families rhythms and needs, is often unfairly burdened by others assuming this is Mothers work. Self care can not be achieved through pampering and ‘retail therapy’, and begins by declaring that Mother is not Slave. Mother does not exist to serve you, but to give you life. Honour her by celebrating her, and unburdening her of the tasks that are not hers to bare. Do not buy her trinkets and expect her to be grateful. Celebrate the fullness of her and the things that inspire her, relax her, invigorate her and help her grow.